13 weeks

I met my new Ob this week and I did not like him...not impressed. I have had so many experts taking care of me over the past few years that this guy just seems like an idiot. He didnt even touch me he was so freaked out by my case. He did refer me to an MFM for nuchal translucency and consult. The MFM was much much better. He was fascinated by my case and said he would see me every two weeks. Yippee....I still need to go to the idiot but only once a month and not for much more than weight and growth checks. My incision is healing nicely for the TAC placement. I am sore and my insides get achy if I do much more than lay around. I have to go back to work tomorrow...boo hoo. I am scared that I am going to hurt myself sitting on the floor or some shit like that. Time will tell. The MFM said the baby looks great, measuring perfectly and passed the Nuchal translucency test. He gave me some iron supplements and some essenstial fatty acid tablets. I am also on an antibiotic for a UTI, probably resulting from the surgery. Poor little baby, being exposed to more prescription drugs. I need to wear maternity clothes now, so I guess its time to tell my family then friends/co workers. I know most of them are going to shit. After all, they know my history and were all there when we buried our twins. So I know they are going to be nervous and shocked, but they better not say anything rude. What we need to hear is Congratulations and we will pray for you. I have to remember if they do say something stupid, to just put it on the ever running stupid list and try not to take it personal. We both come from Irish Catholic families who think its ok to express whatever comes to mind whenever it comes to mind! So off to reality tomorrow, I hope it is an easy day!

12 weeks

Its been a good week for the most part. Got my staples removed by hubby on Monday, that was fun! A lot of the stiffness I was feeling in my abdomen went away gradually after the zipper removal. The scar is thick and very sensitive. Tuesday and Wednesday were rough days emotionally and physically. Wednesday was our fourth wedding anniversary and it sucked for various reasons...of which I will discuss later. I was overly exhausted and in a lot of pain. I would not take the percocet so I suffered. I could not justify taking any more drugs in my twisted mind...I didnt want to expose the baby to anymore drugs than I already did...Swine flu shot, anestesia, pain meds etc etc...So, my motherly insticts kicked in and I quit it all,,except for Tylenol which I take begrudgingly from time to time.
Once again our Anniversary came and went with no baby. At least this year there is hope that maybe there will actually be one in the future. By Thanksgiving, I donned some of my own sweat pants and ventured off to my aunts house. I was hurting but braved through it. I am beginning to like wearing hubby's clothes. I am not ready to tell any family about this pregnancy. If it was up to me, I would wait until I deliver. Not really a possibility with the holidays coming up. My belly is getting big, and not so easy to hide. I am going to hang out for one more week at home then back to work. Not looking forward to that at all. Tuesday of this week I will meet my new OB. Hopefully I like him, if not, onto the next one. I have been through way too much to have a doctor I dont trust or dont like. I need someone who is like a God to me...I deserve it.

Our baby is on lockdown

What a weekend. I had my transabdominal cerclage placed on Friday and was released from the hospital today. All went well, Thank God!
I went in at 6am Friday, surgery was at 7:30am. As I was in the pre-op area I started to have serious regrets. I wanted to get up and run like hell out of there. After I spoke to the anesthesiologist, I realized that I would be wide awake for the entire procedure. Holy Shit,,,I guess I forgot to ask Dr. Davis that part prior to all of this. I got a spinal and an epidural. Having to bend over while a nurse held me down and a doc put a shunt in my spine caused me to have flashbacks of my twin birth. I was really stressed and freaking out. They must have seen it on the monitors cause they gave me a sedative, enought to calm my BP down..but yup, still wide awake. I felt a lot of pulling and yanking on my insides,,no pain though. The doc was able to get past all the adhesions and was able to place the cerclage thru my abdomen onto the top of my cervix, very high, near the bottom of my uterus. This way, there is minimal to no way that I can get funneling or dilation before time. As a result, this stitch is permanent and the only way out for baby is via a C-section...fine with me! The whole time, about 75 minutes in the OR, I was praying the rosary, I must have said over 100 Hail Mary's. Afterwards, I was sleepy and sore, but nothing too major. I am moving slow but happy to be home. I truly believe that we found the worlds greatest doctor for this procedure and can relax a bit in this pregnancy..at least as far as my incompetent cervix is concerned. I will be home for few weeks to recover then hopefully life will return to normal. Farewell incompetent cervix...welcome nothing but good things in this pregnancy. Through all of this trauma,,,the baby looks great! Yippee. More to come later,,I am going to rest.

100 Posts

Today marks my 100th posts on this blog. Wow, what a year its been. I try not to look back, forward is much better. I had my first OB appt. yesterday. It went well. My weight is fat, my BP was good, cervix short but closed, baby measuring beautifully at 11 weeks with a strong heartbeat. We discussed the upcoming cerclage. I am scheduled for a transabdominal cerclage (major surgery)hopefully I get one. I have so much endometriosis that it may impede the doc getting it all around my cervix. It is going to suck if he cuts me open (c-section scar) and he cant do what he intends. If he cannot do things as planned, I will get a transvaginal cerclage. All prayers welcome!

I am nervous and scared for me and for the bean! eeeeekkk

I feel sick

I have been feeling ill. I have been through many first trimesters and none made me feel as bad as this one. Maybe that is a good sign. I have been dizzy on and off, headaches, nausea and overall just feel crappy. I am not complaining, just simply stating a fact.

I am getting nervous. I am going to see specialist on Wednesday for a check up and as a pre op visit. I am scheduled for my cerclage on Friday. I am now 10 weeks and havent seen a doctor since 8 week visit at the fertility clinic. It is so hard to let that security go. I guess if something is going wrong in my body, I would somehow know.

No other news. The house renovations are coming along. Holidays will be here before we know it!

Stupid shot

I got my H1N1 shot yesterday. I was so freakin dizzy all day. I wish I never got the fucking thing. I trusted my docs and was in fear of the swine flu so I did it. Too late to go back in time now. I hope it didnt affect the bean. I cant help but think if it made me feel so bad, what it could have done to the growing fetus inside me. Yikes.

Today was a better day though. I feel much better and am not as tired. Only have to work in the morning tomorrow, so it should be somewhat of an easy day!

9 weeks

It was strange to have Sunday come and go and no scan. I have been discharged from the fertility clinic so I am on my own. On my own is an understatement. I never in a million years thought that my husband would be so detached from this pregnancy and from me as he is. He finds every reason under the sun to be away from me. He never asks how I am and today had the nerve to say I should pick up a rake or do something in the yard...WTF? Inconsiderate beyond belief!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have felt alone the whole time with this pregnancy, but today was the icing on the cake.
I am still on my progesterone shots daily...lots of butt lumps and pain when I sit. I get random headaches, one real migraine the other day. I couldnt even see straight and I couldnt hear out of one of my ears. It was bad. I am nauseous a lot. I get nervous when I dont feel any symptoms too. This whole thing is extremeley stressful and as I said, I am doing it alone in a sense. I am glad I have my blog and message boards to support me. Enough venting about stupid stuff. Hopefully it will be a good week for me!